Saturday, April 12, 2003

Ya I officially suck at keeping up with my blog. I think I need more time to my self. Which also means I need to shut off MSN. It'll be the death of me, mark my words it'll be the death of me.

Let's see what else? Oh yeah, I'm moving in with Steve in about two weeks. I'm kind of nervous about it and kind of excited. I'm nervous that this move will screw things up between us. Also I'm moving into HIS place so i'm gonna feel like a guest for a while, until I can personalize it a bit at least. It's exam time again, driving me crazy. I still haven't written my first yet. I'm sick to my stomach at the fact I'm done. I'm still a kid in highschool dreaming about going off to university and now it's all over. It was but a mere blink in time. Did it even happen? I find myself asking. All those friend from highschool that I've lost touch with, it doesn't even seem real. I mean in my thoughts that time is still now. We're still a bunch of know it all teens laughing about Degrassi High.

It scares me to think about how fast my life is going by. They theses are the best years of your life, and don't get me wrong, I have loved just about every minute of them, it's just scary to think that it's all coming to an end. Part of me wants to start another degree, the other part of me whish that I applied to Chiropractic college for next year. I'm sort of in this transition purgatory where I'm not quite sure the road to take. More school? Just get a job with the degree I have? Earn money for the time being? Travel? This would be all be so much easier if I was unhappy, because anything would be a welcome change. But sadly, I AM happy where I am. I am happy and comfortable. That and change doesn't sit well with me.

Every time my life changes I get paranoid that the world with discover that I'm a fraud. That really I'm a coward and that I've been drifting a long life, not actually swimming but letting the current take me there. It blows because I've relied on this for so long that when the time comes for me to sink or swim, i'm gonna go straight to bottom. I wish someone taught me how to be self-sufficient. Yes, I realize how ridiculous that sound, but I'm very serious.

Enough of that. I saw a guy on my bus today and later on again at campus, who I've sporatically talked to on-line, no big deal but it was weird because I was thinking about him just before he stepped on to the bus. Then a couple of hours later on at the food court of all the seats this guy picks to sit ya he's at the one directly facing me. It just weird how coincidences happen. There's got to be something more at play in this universe than what we actually know.

Ya I'll try have better things to talk about next time.


Post a Comment

<< Home