Friday, February 06, 2004

I'm having a rough day. I'm feeling myself very unworthy of others affection. I feel like I'll never be the object of another's desire. That I am the only one who sees what I have to offer. What is is about me...Steve's ex called here today looking for Steve, then called again regarding how to get ahold of Steve. I sorta lied and said I didn't know. That was wrong of me I guess. The idea that Steve could fall back on his first love hurts me inside. I don't have anyone worthy to fall back on. I want someone to love me. To hold me. To whisper in my ear. To tell me that everything will be alright. And for me to be able to believe it. I want to be held and have all my insecurities melt away. I want that mutual desire when you look into that special someone's eyes, and look back into yours, and you both feel how in love you are, and that you're together because you want to, or because you can't fight it, not because you're settling or because you're hanging around until something better comes along. I want to be attractive to another person, and I want to be able to believe it. God, this sucks. I've tried so hard to be confident in myself, but no one see is, no one respects me, I'm literally a joke. Half the time I feel like people are just hummoring me, the other half of the time I don't even think anyone is listening to me. Shitty.

I don't know what else to blog, fark.


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