Friday, June 11, 2004

So, I found out what happened to the guy who fell. He jumped. Turns out he was an anesthesiologist in the city who had be charged with having kiddie porn. It's odd because I remember surfing the web after he jumped to see if anything had been written about it. But I found an article about a London doctor and his kiddie porn charges and how they were sure to mention that he was never left alone with underage patients before hand. I remembered thinking at the time, what does that have to do with anything? I have pictures of naked ppl on my computer it doesn't mean I run around fondelling adults. Anyway, I've always thought that people who wanted to see naked kids were sick in the head, pedophiles, and desereved to be tortured. But now that I've seen this man jump to his death, I have to wonder, was he really as vile as I assumed someone like that would be? This man was successful, with a girlfriend, and obviously he was troubled.

I feel for the guy because, who knows why those pictures were on his computer? Regardless, instead of getting the doctor some help, the media paints a picture of a pervert, making sure to let the public know that he was never touching kids in the hospital. He was a man of deep pride, the paper said after his death. So proud he couldn't live with this shame. SHAME, he knew it was wrong. He wasn't convinced he was just trying to love children. He was so ahsamed he jumped of his balcony.

I know there's no way to see child pornography in a decent light, because there isn't one. What he did was wrong. But the news had to make it a spectacle. Did this man need help? Definitely. Did this man need to be punished? Probably. Did this man need to be embarassed? I'm not sure. But if pride drove him to suicide, then we share some resonsibilty for assuming he was a predator of children.

I feel the for the guy in some weird sense. Without excusing what he did, he's been victemized by an ignorant society that seeks to sensationalize every day life. By personalizing what should be objective, we're made to feel a certain way giving no mind to what this man has accomplished or who he was other than the fact he had some pictures of children.

We all do things we don't want anyone else to know about because of shame, because society says it's wrong, or because it's just bad by any earthly standards. Personally I don't know how I would be able to go on living if the world knew my dirty little secrets, or if I was labeled a pervert, or if everything in my life I have accomplished in my life is made moot by an act of stupidity. And yet, I still will probably sit in judgement of those who I see on the news.

This world lacks understanding. And no one understands that.


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