Thursday, May 06, 2004

Yo ho ho, I'm back neglected friend Blog. How've you been? Myself? Oh same as usual. I'm one step away from having applied to New York Chiropractic College. And I'm still jobless, and still I'm not looking. Summer is fast approaching the sun is really glorious. I can't wait to get outside. I can't wait to have a job. Tomorrow is the day that I start to look again. I've sat on my ass long enough.

Erin and Blair's wedding is fast approaching, two weeks. Bringing the number of my friends who are married up to 4. I can't stand that thought. I'm 23 and I can't even decide if I want to spend the rest of my life with a man or a woman let alone know who that person is. I think about it and 23 IS old, yet I'm still that kid from highschool. I don't feel adult. Lately I've been noticing when I look in the mirror that I'm looking my age. I see a man in my reflection but when I look into my eyes I still see that child that I feel inside. I can't process what my reflection tells me...I look grown up, for all intents and purposes I AM grown up, but why don't I feel grown up?

It's funny when we look back on our lives, how me at 20 and me at 15 and me 10, and me at 5, we're all different people. We look different, we have different opinions and views, different schemas for looking at the world, hell we're even made up of entirely different cells. Yet still there is this continuity throught out a lifespan that links seemingly unrelated selfs into this one collective Identity. 23. I can't escape all those people that I was, no matter how hard I try to pretend, or rewrite the past, it's hard to make peace with that and to realize that I am, in fact, Me at 23. A man.

What fun.


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