Monday, May 17, 2004

So, I've noticed a trend in my blogs...I'ma whiney. That bugs me. I don't want to present myself that way. Lately I haven't felt very introspective, and whenever I get like that I feel so disjointed and disconnected from everything. I'm back to that drifting that I despise about myself. I've been hanging out with Jeff the past two days and it felt good. It felt good to get out. London is sucking me dry. I have no job, no studying, no money, and no friends.

I sucks to think that after all my friends moved to Toronto they've forgotten about me. Well they haven't forgotten about me, but I'm of no consequence to them. In my four years of univsity the friendships I developed were no deeper than the once I had in highschool. I'm still close with Beats, but her and I have something deeper. Afterall she was my first love. She was my bestfriend. She was my soulmate. I could read her mind, and she read mine. And though we've had our ups and downs, I know ultimately she will always hold a place in her heart for me as well. And Jeff, Jeff is my boy. My first TRUE friend. The first buddy who has ever been proud of me. I think back to days of residence. He was the first person I met at Western which kinda makes it's all the more symbolic. He's just a genuine guy, and I hate if I ever lost his friendship.

I've started talking to Cody again, and I'm pretty happy about that. He's another good guy, he's got his problems, no doubt, but once you see past that you can't help but want to hug the guy to death.

Anyway my original reason for posting was that because I'm so anxious all the time I rarely make new friends, it takes life changing experiences for me to branch out. So that's why I value these friendships that last. I have to. It feels so good that these people appreciate you even when they don't have to anymore. It's nice to know that people are thinking about me. My friend changed his MSN today becasue a commercial made him think of me. Nevermind that the commercial used the word 'girth' to the point that I was embarassed.

Okay enough for tonight.


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