Sunday, November 13, 2005

Well exams are over but I'm still awaiting my marks. Nonetheless, I'm happy to finally be able to breathe again and I think the depression is finally starting to pass. Having no life because of school was really getting to me but then when exams were finished I realized that it wasn't school's fault. I really do have no life. I haven't made a solid friendship in the year that I've been in Toronto, and I miss my London friends terribly. It's lonely here. I love Steve and all but sometimes his company isn't enough. Sometimes you want to do things that don't include your boyfriend. I'm sick of having no life outside of Steve and school. Commiting to a long distance relationship is time consuming. When I only get to see him every other weekend, all I want to do is chill with him. But I'm beginning to resent it. I need friends.

Anyway, I realize it's kinda early, but I put up my Christmas tree yesterday. I was in some desperate need of holiday cheer. Unfortunately I ran out of lights and now have to go out today and but some more. Maybe I'll make a friend at Canadian Tire.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

There are two times in the year I get depressed: Right after my birthday and right after Christmas. This year I thought I had escaped the post-birthday blues, turns out they were just delayed. Probably because I didn't leave a forwarding address at my last place. But anyway, it's here. I know it's here because the first sign is my obssessive need to change my life. There's a reason I call it this static life, and it's because though my surrounds may change I never do. I'm that same person who at times like these, I hate.

Stay tuned for the next stage: my progressive self destruction, where instead of doing the things I want to do I make excusesfor as to why I can't do them and subsequently beat myself up for not doing anything period. Static.
Sometimes it seems like everyone's life is more fun than mine. I'm so bored. All myfriends from university have gone on to new lives, and they all seem like they're having such a great time. Like everything is so much better now. Why is that only my life got worse after undergrad?